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Follow along with our trip down the Patuxent

We'll be posting photos and stories from our adventures at Jug Bay as often as we can. Please feel free to add your comments and stories from the week below!
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2019 Teen Paddle

Disclaimer -- these blogs reflect the paddlers' uniqueness, creativity, and fondness for "Mafia," a sneaky camp storytelling game where people "die," doctor's "heal," and paddlers have to try to solve a crime through creative storytelling.  No one REALLY died, nor would any paddlers want the others "dead." (a few of the paddlers worried about what their parents might think when they read this year's blog -- and to be honest -- so did the adult facilitators)

Day 1



Today, we all met at the Patuxent River Park and learned about our personalities. We did a name game, where it took hours to complete. After we were all annoyed and done with the game, we finally did it all the way through. But then, we did the whole thing BACKWARDS! We then went on to the hot canoes and finally we got into the cold water. So we capsized the canoe and learned how to safely rescue someone as well as be rescued. After a long day, we got on the bus, driven by Matt, to our first destination. We set up tents, 2 for the males and 2 for the females. The boys tents were done very quickly, while the girls were arguing about them. They all ended up great, with one girls tent having metal sticks sticking out the sides, telling everyone to stay away. After this difficult time, we ate, while bonding over cleaning dishes. At night, we listened to the owl named Matt talk to other owls. To end the night, we played 2 games of Mafia, with the convincing Cora and Ella. For the second game, we lost almost everyone, with them all going to sleep. After we caught the mafia, Ella, the leftover people ran over to their tents and we went to sleep.


Day 2


July uhh... 16, 2019. E'rrybody woke up kinda early, and when some people left to go to the bathroom there was a GIANT KILLER SPIDER IN THE PLASTEEQUE TOILETtTE,,, .  The bathroom was unavoidable yet needed. Goldy had to use the toilet in the middle of the night but has yet to return, we suspect a poltergeist  may be at the root of the problem that draws its energy from the potty. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). During breakfast everything was well enjoyed and eaten completely...... except the one hard boiled egg. Th cursed egg. No one would eat it, everyone refused, even after the 35727 times that breadth asked who wanted it. No one stepped up. Then we were dragged down to the docks and made to take on the brown goo they called water (΄◉◞౪◟◉`). There we did the water testing, (water smells wet ಠ_ಠ) and found out that it was healthy and not contaminated by the sins of humanity (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾. We rafted up and upon trying to break the raft people diverted and got swallowed by the mass of the tangled wood. Matty pulled a Liana and was left dead with a stick through her face , periodt . The trek through the amazon was treacherous, gale winds up to 100 mph threw Janine and thanos off their canoe, sending them into the steady current until they were soon gone as if they had never appeared to teen Paddle. They were soon forgotten as we had to fight to survive or face deathᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ. We reached the end of our journey and had almost everyone in tact, kira suffered a broken leg when Meghan and Ellie rammed the tip of their boat into the center of theirs. she should be fine but medical attention is limited to campers experience only. As this is a LEADERSHIP CAMP so WE MuSt be leaders in ALL realms of EXperIENCe🤷‍♀️🤷‍♂️. The end of the day, aka the survivors had their rewards by diving into the murky waters of questionable pollutants. Mafia was played religiously and some died out of pure spite. The largest offender being Thanos who failed to use the method of distraction to hide his identity so poorly we sacrificed him to the mafia gods so they were not to be angered and have to suffer a perilous death. Then we ended by campfire with some bomb Popsicles. While at the campfire, we made funky fresh friendship bracelets 🤡️٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶


Day 3
July 17th, 2019


Today went by sooo slow. Day Three began with campers sleepy-eyed stumbling down the grass hill. When they finally arrived at the dock, they were greeted by swallows and the sunrise. For five minutes, we participated in a peaceful guided meditation. 🤸‍♀️The sounds of the river surrounded us, until Cora walked in late- making a racket and shaking the entire dock.


When we finally made the trudge up the hill, a bewildered Braedyn peered out of her ️ absolutely confused, despite us waking her up three times. Thanks to Ella, we all indulged in pound cake with yogurt for breakfast... thank goodness no one added Old Bay! 


We met Greg on his pontoon boat and whipped all around the river spying quarter-sized at every turn. Caitlin almost fell asleep until Kira poked her with the note taking journal. Thankfully, Jeanine had pretty handwriting and took on the task.


It was peaceful. The trees shading our sunburned backs. A light breeze fanning our faces. Our eyes took in the vivid green vegetation and bright blue skies of the Patuxent. A swooping figure suddenly weaved itself between the trees, its red-tipped wings and graceful flight mesmerizing us... CRASH. SCRAPE. SCREECH.It took a seven-foot branch to tear our hypnotized eyes away from the agile creature. The red-shouldered hawk. Even Greg, our tour guide, failed to notice the offending branch in the middle of the river.As we arrived back at the site, everyone got their stuff together and exited the boat. Well, everyone except Megan. She was driven, due to her diligent note taking, to engage in further conversation with Greg. Little did she know, these conversations never end. Not entirely sure she ever made it out alive...


After lunch, we took an archaeology museum at Mt Calvert with Exa. Between these two tours, we learned lots about the  the area.


We then got out of the oppressive sun by jumping into the cool water. We went out on the river and paddled to our next site. Then, we set up camp; right now Team S'mori Owls 🦉 is making dinner- Bean Nachos, not Bean Tacos.


Oh, we also almost died.


Sooo, we got caught in a sudden storm. We tried to beat it, but we did not succeed. Everything went downhill fast. People were crying, falling out of the boat, and drowning. It was really quite uneventful. One group made their own shortcut through the marsh to make it easier to control the boat while laughing non stop. Such cheaters... One of the leaders cried when she saw the ; she thought she'll get struck. Long story short- she did. Rest in pieces. Megan and Joshua were paddling as hard as they could but they couldn't get anywhere, except further into the marsh, due to the wind. At least there was a  after the storm of death! It was okay, though, mostly, because our new campsite has a fresh porta-potty.  We then all doted over Ellie's melon baby.   
"I told you not to get with that vegetable"
"It has your eyes!"  
"It's skin is glowing"
"That is NOT your baby."
"Cute 🤷‍♀️"


We opened our high low bag, and inside were warm Swedish Fish. Oddly tasty.  


After discovering that there was a zero-flashlight-in-eyes tolerance on the night hike, the whole group was whining. Luckily, we persevered and ditched Megan, Cora, Lili, and Rene. Sadly, there was no hope for Caliltin because she was passed out ,diagonal, in the tent. Finn and Matt led the way through the woods and over the endless puddles to the tower. As we climbed up, we suddenly realized Thanos' aversion to black beans was due to his uncontrollable gas which blew out every step he took. He must have accidentally consumed a few rogue beans. 🤢


Braedyn was super excited about the tower telescope, even though the only lights we could find were from nearby houses. Olivia played stair troll to keep wandering campers, but mostly Faith, from tumbling down the stairs. Yet again, Randy was an awesome and unsuspecting mafia, he lasted until the last round and only lost because of a grave error.  Goldis was accused of being mafia, and to be honest after her personality test, why wouldn't it be? 




When we headed toward the campsite, there was an amusement park line for the porta-potty. I guess you could say it was a fun day.


Day 4


Ten Commandments of Teen Paddle 🏼‍♀️
  1. Thou shall not speak of E.T... ever. 
  2. Dry bags are a divine right- don't get them soaked with the water gun 
  3. Water is water. That is all. 
  4. Bus mafia > water mafia 
  5. Don't. Flip. The. Canoe. (Caitlin & Faith) 
  6. Thou shall ONLY use "power-wash" setting with the hose
  7. When given 400 Popsicle, thou shall consume them ALL in under 45 minutes
  8. Thou shall never be afraid of throwing shine with a shoutout 
  9. Be on the lookout of FedEx guy... zip up your tents 
  10. Thou shall never again listen to scary ghost stories without a flashlight 




Paddling on the river post-storm, we added a new role to our fleet. The Singing Boat was born. A portable, commercial-free radio station and never have we heard Bohemian Rhapsody that good. They put the playlist on shuffle, so obviously we were jamming out. Shoutout to Goldis and Caitlin! Faith was getting the front of the fleet all hyped up. 


The Butterfly boat, with Ellie and Cora, embraced their nature role. They played the Animal Guessing Game with any canoe within shouting distance. 
But Ella was a real insect whisperer because all those critters were all on her.


Joshua made Bus Mafia a game to remember...
"I don't live on that street." -Joshua 
Kira was a master mafia because no one ever suspected her. 
Janine on the other hand was caught on the first round for her HORRIBLE poker face. Red as a tomato. But at least she's better at Mafia then the Stick Riddle :) 


At Matt's favorite trail, Megan and Braedyn were obsessed with the adorable baby vultures. One even perched on the roof and stared us down. We were even lucky enough to see a fawn and doe up close. No one could deny the cuteness


During the massive crab feast, where he ate over 10 crabs, Finn must have sprayed a little too much bug spray because he was laughing SO hard. He guffawed when the word "toilet" was said. #Elvis


Around the campfire, Randy told a very very long ghost story. Lili, Megan, and Cora had Ellie's five star Charred S'mores as they listened. Yummy
Random but...Thaddeus is a Mathew McCaunaghey impersonator. 

2018 Teen Paddle

Disclaimer -- these blogs reflect the paddlers' uniqueness, creativity, and fondness for "Mafia," a sneaky camp storytelling game where people "die," doctor's "heal," and paddlers have to try to solve a crime through creative storytelling.  No one REALLY died, nor would any paddlers want the others "dead." (a few of the paddlers worried about what their parents might think when they read this year's blog -- and to be honest -- so did the adult facilitators)
 
Monday 7.16.18
 
CULT QUEST
 
 
> When you entered the nature center, many think it but an elaborate cult. 
> They were kinda right. 
> Enter the NAME OF THE CULT
 
> Linda
 
> That is not the cult's name.
> Cult activities include FENDING OFF BEARS WITH CANOE PADDLES, as well as AVOIDING LAVA.
> Cult initiation starts in 3 hours, and consists of BEING BRUTALLY THROWN INTO A RIVER TO FEND FOR YOURSELF. 
> The cult fights constantly on topics such as NUMERICALLY INCONSISTENT COWS, SASS, T-SHIRTS, and LISTS
> What do you do?
 
> Visit CULT SITE ONE
 
> As you enter the cult, you view cultists trying to set up a NON EUCLIDIAN TENT. Behind them, a cultist lies on a TABLE. NUCLEAR WASTE over flows from a PORTA-POTTY in the distance. Several cultists chant as they place an OBJECT OF POOR REPUTATION into a pit.
 
> Examine NON EUCLIDIAN TENT
 
> It hurts your head to look at. Folds of cloth and tarp lash in and out of existence. Ropes writhe around the mass, like worms on on a long abandoned burrito, burst outwards with it's juices. A jaunty logo of an octopus roasting marshmallows over a campfire is prominently featured. Do you wish to assist the CULTISTS?
 
> Assist cultists with NON EUCLIDIAN TENT
 
> Something appears to have gone terribly wrong. You find yourself attempting to pull a loop of poles out of the fabric monstrosity. This is incredibly silly! You head back to the central area.
 
> Examine PORTA-POTTY
 
> How about you don't do that.
 
> Examine cultist on TABLE
 
> You look at the cultist. For a second, you thought they were dead. Fortunately, they are sleeping, judging by the copious snores emerging from the cultist's robes. Join them?
 
> Join SLEEPING CULTIST
 
> You lie next to the cultist for an hour or so. You feel like you understand the world a little bit more.
 
> Leave TABLE
 
> Reluctantly, you leave the embrace of sleep. Back to the cult with you.
 
> Examine ritual concerning OBJECT OF PURE REPUTATION 
 
> It's a potato. Or, at least it was. It has been smothered with chili, butter, bacon bits, cheese sauce, and pure cholesterol. You feel your arteries hardening. The smell is so enticing, you almost fall in. Seems like that was the point. Maybe it's best to stay away right now.
 
> BWAAAAAAAAA
 
> What was that?
 
> Find out next time, at CULT QUEST PART II, The Revenge of Last Night's Chili

 
 
Tuesday 7.17.18
 

We woke up this morning to find that we had lost people in the night. Seems like that owl we called in didn't take too kindly to us disrupting his hunting. Nevertheless, we had things to do, so the day started. 
 
Breakfast consisted of cereal and something that might have been raspberries; the smell, whatever it was, wafted from one of the tents. When we did roll call we found that someone was missing. Seems Alex had decided that he'd rather stay and sleep, even after we announced that we were leaving. No one touched the cereal. We suspected that it may have been poisoned.
 
Still, we had to eat SOMETHING, so sandwiches were prepared to be eaten later. Naomi was excited about her cheese sandwich, but first, water quality testing. Only three campers drowned then. A new record! We may or may not have seen one of the counselors slip some PH fluid into Naomi's sandwich, but I feel it wouldn't be smart to mention it. Especially since she keeled over later.
 
It took a while but we FINALLY made it into the water. The current was almost unnaturally rough. Poor Ellie was left alone in her canoe due to the not at all suspicious loss of hr boat partner. She lagged further and further behind, the bright yellow of her canoe paddle becoming a tiny dot in the distance. The river was dragging us forward, making it impossible to go back. One of the counselors was with her, so we thought we wouldn't need to worry. It wasn't until the night had gone dark when her canoe and life vest washed up on shore, both chillingly empty.
 
The day wasn't all terrible though! We saw some interesting flora and fauna. In particular, the dragonflies were brighter colored and bigger than any we had ever seen. Much bigger. Cat was fascinated with them, coaxing them on to her boat. That may have been a mistake. Once again the river prevented us from turning back, but the faint screams in the distance were all we needed to hear. Each of us was liberal with the bug spray after that.
 
Still, we paddled on. our muscles were aching and our breath was short. We didn't dare risk taking a break, not between the river and the counselors. We're still debating which one is more intimidating. Even the rain couldn't deter us, and goodness, did it rain. We heard it in the distance, a slow drip, drip, drip, and then it was on us. Sheets upon sheets of water pouring from the sky, burning the skin, reducing visibility to zero. Anyone who dared put down their paddle used hats and long-empty water bottles to bail. Someone tried drinking it; not a good idea. What happened to him is far too gruesome to write. Kira and Liz managed to hang on for a while, but not forever. Kira's boat was tipped by the wind and rain, paddling desperately until she disappeared beneath the waves with a fatal shriek. Liz was struck by lightning, a massive bolt that illuminated her skeleton like a glowstick. Thankfully the weather cleared after that, and the last of us struggled on. 
 
At last, the final survivors pulled themselves, gasping, onto the beach. There were fewer than a handful of us left. One unlucky soul collapsed in the mud, inches from safety, and was dragged back into the water with a disturbing splash. Exhausted, spent, and ready to face the night if it at least we could sleep, we were unprepared for the worst horror of all. One of our counselors, silhouetted by firelight, uttered the words that sent the camp into chaos.
 
"Grilled cheese is not a sandwich"
 
Wednesday 7.18.18
The horns tooted at 7:00 Am️, the malicious conniving wardens  awaited our arrival at the cafeteria. Everyone reeks  of desperation to end this week long sentence. Camden decided he wanted to eat a bowl  of old bay. Shuddering 🤧from the spice of the old bay " wow " Camden said " old bay and watermelon has a quite appealing taste🤥 " . Everyone laughed. " EVERYONE CLEAN UP CAMP WERE GOING ON A RIDE " the voice of someone who's beard is stuffed with composting snacks from the week earlier🥞 . 
( ❌ NO BEAN TACOS ) " We're going on a ride " this Seth rogan looking guy stated. Everyone's face went limp . " Why, we'll finally see outside with our own Slave driver instead of being the slave driver," boy was I wrong. When the guy pulled up he had a motor boat🥃🏼 with 3 seats in them. Sadly, we had to throw some campers over board ( sorry Neomie, Alex, and Kat with a k ). Before we went on, Lillian had a great idea, she wanted  to know what bug spray tasted like. Tshh tshh tshh, three sprays to her lips. I couldn't hear what she was saying after, but from the look of her crinkled up aluminum foil looking face she hated it. "Tastes like heaven," Lillian said with a heavily sarcastic voice. We boarded the boat with happy faces, and up the stream we went. ( ❌ NO BEAN TACOS ) The weird guy who drove us talked endlessly, and no one knew what he was talking about⁉️. I could tell because I took one look around and saw 3 blank faces, 2 forced smiles, and 4 people asleep, accompanied by the constant pressuring of Weenie telling him to take us back🔄🔙. Oh that poor guy! The one cool thing he did was take us to a birds nest🦅🦉🦆. The bird on the other hand, did not think it was cool, as he looked like squidward when we picked him up, "Put me down retched aliens," the bird thought. "I would try to bite you, but I'm to lazy to do it,". We got back to campsite and had a thousand little warden Chris's flying around they were annoying. I'm going to skip the archeologists part but she was awesome. We entered the water as stupid slave drivers and wardens entered on red jet skis. As we paddled, the sound of an old lady crying caught the attention of my ears. "What is it that?" Rayevon asked. "idk sounds horrible but someone should help her," someone replied. As we looked back, we noticed the culprits: Camden and Naomi. "Ba ba ba da do di ba bo," they said, with a mix of Weenie rapping☠️. Later on in the paddle, we tried to find i nvasive catfish, but we didn't find any so we'll just go home and turn on MTV to see a lot of them. (GRILLED CHEESE ARE SANDWICHES🥖) As we got closer to the shore, the lead warden Lee Lee put a spell on us about horses boxes and scenes. Oh I can't feel my head. After we woke up from our mysterious sleep, the dinner was a bowl of pain and heartbreak. (BEAN TACOS) So, the campers decided to chop up Alex and eat 'em🥔. "I got dibs on the leg!" Cat with a C says. "shave 'em first!" Megan yelled back. And that's how we figured out Alex wasn't the mafia⚔️. Nighty night!⭐️🤡🤠
 
Thursday 7.19.18
We ended Day Three with a peaceful shoutout session, intense bracelet making, and the nearly revolting consumption of gooey, chocolatey s'mores. We thought the night was coming to a close until some Davey Crocket looking guy slyly suggested "Let's take a night hike to the Fire Tower". ⭐️🤡🤠🥔
Nature Mamma, Liz, protected us like her own cubs throughout the horrifying treck. When we finally reached the wooden structure and began our climb up the stairs, the lake was illuminated by fluttering fireflies over the river.
 
 
We fought the raging river today. We set out some bottles prepare it for battle. The first enemy we made was a Gerald Alfred. He came for the canoes from under the river. When he attacked we took the precaution pierce him with a hook. We wrestled Gerald, rocking the boats. We hauled Gerald Alfred, a 17 foot channel catfish, onto our canoe. Before we could catch our breath, another bottle submerged in the river. 
 
Unknown was supposedly a blue catfish. Unknown was aggressive, extremely aggressive. Two of our boaters rocked back and forth trying to catch him, eventually ending up in the water. Luckily they were rescued with no more than a slight chill.
 
Grilled cheese, better known as Timmy Panini Sandwich, was an enemy that we finally managed to catch! He was massive, at least twelve feet long. The boat nearly tipped before hauling him in. Another, smaller fish, named Poof, was also successfully captured before we retired from the river,

2017 Teen Paddle

Thursday, Day 3
8/10/17


This is the gruesome story of a shady type of camp whose name has originated from the few survivors of "prison camp
Kimberly sung in a high pitched voice until we had awoken from our thick slumber. We tripped through a not so Amazonian jungle in search of purple flowers. All we had as protection from thorny plants and airborne menaces were hot sweaty swamp-prison ware. After an hour of his torture we were released and told to swim back to camp. The water was freezing and hyperthermia was setting in when we finally arrived back at torture camp and were ordered to clean. Under male inmates housing where the brutal remains of an unfortunate mafia murder of a turtle. We were loaded onto boats and paddled through the scorching hot sun suffering 3rd degree burns and extramarital exhaustion. Along the way Jo Mama had to give MD the heimlich because she was given toxic gum. Luckily she lived. Halfway through the trip suggs@mappz and Sully crashed into kit Kat and zackattack capsizing their boat. Don't touch the meat and King of hyperbole displayed their amazing muscle and fixed their boat. When we landed we were forced to carry our boats up steep hills then were frog marched down to a cream colored dock were we were pushed into the water and carried far downstream by the amazing current. We had nowhere to go and had to swim against the powerful waves back to the dock. We trudged up the rolling hills and served our prison guards dinner. The last night was coming to an end, and that's when Suggs@mappz broke a stick over his head trying to start a fire he started getting dizzy he said he was seeing things. Then he turned into a zombie!!!



​

​Wednesday, Day 2
8/9/17

I'm going to tell you a story of 9 kids, two counselors, a Sasquatch, and the river from hell. Viewer Discretion is Advised. Don't read at night in front of a campfire or bad things will happen.

Today was hard. Like really hard. The inferior men did a bad and put their rainfly on wrong and all sorts of liquids leaked in their tent. Wow. How could you be that ding dang dumb. As we woke, team taxes made a hearty breakfast of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and blueberry muffins with bleach to wash down the precooked hard boiled frog eggs. In the future, Hairy Poppins took the Aqua Thugs out on a tour of his river crib. On the water we saw his bae hummy the hummingbird's kids. After creepily staring at the babies like sick stalkers, tents were packed and artifacts were artifacted. We learned about Hairy Poppins's lost family, the beardie bunch. During lunch, we saw WASPS. ANGRY. SWARMING. WASPS. AMD THEY DRIED TO EAT US. So Randy Man, Speedy Gonzales, MD, and Matty B shot them down with their super soaker 3000s.
After lunch we had a blast from the past, and learned about the wonderous world of RKology. We went into an ancient abode, and touched a circuit breaker. Some of us were more entertained than others...
While on the river, the torturous team in the guide boat decided to race snails and ,with Katniss steering, sank the titanic... again! But they were not as bad as Speedy Gonzales and Matty B's boat, who played battleship with the rest of the fleet. The paddddddlers were starting to get "River Rage", while Hairy Poppins lagged behind the traffic jam to catch his fancey shmancy Pokémans and having deep meaningful conversations with his best friend River Dale Baptist the Frog. Luckily he had Zach King and MD the mafia 😱🔪😵🔫🙀 to keep him company. 79.2 magikarp later, he caught up with the rest of us, only to see that we have rafted up and were eating all of the rations. When we finally arrived in the land of no wifi, dun dun dun all of the snooty teenagers except Matty B and Joe Mama tried to sail away to the nearest Coscos. Unfortunately the titanic had taken one too many icebergs. Most of the team faced a watery demise and didn't come back the same. For dinner, team taxes 🤢made some food south of the wall, tico tacos 🌮. Unfortunately for Hairy Poppins, Joe Mama ate the last lemón James, so Hairy Poppins and his beard cried themselves to sleep. Illuminati confirmed. 🌚🌚🌚 After we landed, we attempted to sabotage our own ship, and sunk our selves instead. Now we are gathered around the campfire to sing our campfire song, and to share our feelings.

July 25th, 2019

7/25/2019

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Tuesday, day 1

8/9/2017

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Picture
Today we woke up and we got into canoes  🛶 and paddled for 5 thousand years🙄😑😡and that was some 💩,sike.... we almost died. As soon as we got to the landing Rudolf saw some strange plants and he tried to eat them, quickly he began to hallucinate and thought that the river was chocolate milk🍫🥛. Soon captain red beard⚓️👨🏼‍✈️ had to pull Rudolf from the shore. We tried to do water💦 testing, but Rudolf tried to drink the chemicals🤢💊. Before we got in the boats we all got on the sinking islands to take a picture and soon as blue boy got on the island it sank. We got on the boats and made a raft out of the boats and Ghandi got his fingers crushed by the raft🛶⛑. MD got attacked by a tree and got dain bramage. MD and the others started to play Mofia and she was telling us a story of how Irish mafia was thriving in Boston in the 1901🤔🤔, she whispered🗣 don't tell anyone my secret🙀👀. As we pressed on though the water Rudolf was gazing into the mysterious gray bunnies in the sky.👁🙌🏽 Captains suggs@mappz🗺 got both team Ka$h and Taxes lost at this point captain red beard tortured with twisted stick mind games, everything is a stick but isn't ☠️😦😵. Suggs@mappz as driven to madness and tried to tip the boat and attempted to kill Suggs@mappz jr. We pulled up to the dock and lugged our canoes to the grass. The minute we dismounted from our flotation devices, Sully got caught in the brutal cross fires of World War III starring the newest technology of the planet (super soakers)🔫. As the war came to an end, the campers built their barracks in 10 minutes and 15 seconds. Kitty🐱 prepared us Black Death☠️in a bowl for dinner as zackattack continued to go crazy over the stick riddle. As we played mafia, football, and extreme ninja, the day came to an end and we all died of airborne death.😱☠️(mosquitoes). ​

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Thursday

7/14/2017

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We were awoken by the screaming owls. We dragged ourselves to the breakfast table where we proceeded to apply the mysterious globular white substance to the outside of all our bagels. We packed up the camp whilst our shirts dripped with sweat, but only after a hairless Bigfoot snorted some Gatorade powder 😖🤢. Then we got out our hungry hungry hippos set so that we could compose our delicious hungry hippo gorp 😩😫🤤😍. We paddled about half way under the burning sun when the hairless big foot dropped our fancy word data into the water whilst his wife Kenny waited patiently in the canoe 😤. During breakfast we were told of epic tales of the river spirit Maria, although none of us believed it she ended up guiding Gucci and Adelaide through the great travesties of the mud. When the lead boat finally understood the cartography, we beached at the Riverkeeper. After gouging on the 🍞🧀🥒🍅🍏🍔🥔 that was left, we were forced to whip, dab, and nae nae for the tiny black electronic box #hitthatnaenae 👋👋✊️✊️👊👊🤜🤜🖐🖐.  Next, we washed away all of the mud and sweat in the river. While the hairless Big Foot was busy sinking the kayak, his dainty wife Kenny was sitting on the dock #quackquack 🦆, scared of getting his shoes wet. After everyone was in the freezing mud water, Jane unfortunately didn't die, while there was a murderer amongst us. Madeine and Adelaide got on a majestic bicycle boat that wasn't going anywhere. Fortunately, Gucci exercised her amazing swimming skills, that won her all of her races, and brought them to shore just before they current washed them away. Gucci and Adelaide found a treasure at the bottom of the river and named it Pete. After intensely cleaning Pete, he was violently thrown back into the river 😢 #RIPete # RestInPete. We then proceeded to assemble our flimsy house thing. Btw the heat is v bad #noairconditioning 🔥🔥. We also heard about the River keeper, we think it's similar to a zookeeper, but check back in because we're not sure 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️.  Next we demolished an innocent dwaddle of crabs and slightly suffocated on old bay #butinagoodway. Now we're off to go burn marshmallows.
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Wednesday

7/14/2017

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The childrens were promptly awoken at 7 with a collective ugh 🙄😒. Even though many were tired, food was a slight priority. Team State Farm got the pops popping and the Chex chexing with some fresh khakis style. After struggling to clean up breakfast and make lunch, we were dragged down the mountain to the shore. After a supper long time a man pulled up to the dock in a white van boat.  He told us to get in and we decided that YOLO. Then he took us down the swampy river to his domicile where poopy water is turned clean, using machines and things. One of our campers was viciously attacked by a bird called an osprey, but it was an obviously a knockoff falcon. She then pluck the clump of feathers out of the air yelling fight me *****😯😉.  Then the fatherly river god returned us to our nasty tent pile. Then we were forced to look at irrelevant things people dig out of the ground. There was a rock and metal things. They told us it was a fork, but we're pretty sure that they were lying. Unfortunately, we lost a camper to excessive eye rolling and they had to leave us for the rest of the trip 🙄😵🚑. Anyways, after hours of being eaten by bugs we were forced to board upon the nasty burning boats of despair. We kept getting stuck in the mud like numerous times with like no hope of getting out, it was like really hard and devastating. While on the river, our red bearded dictator captain pirate thing made us listen to him talk about more things being sticks. TBH some of us like maybe enjoyed seeing some of the nature such as fly fly rocks, swim swim rocks, buzz buzz rocks, and tree tree rocks. After like a really long 4 miles under the sun that was like literally burning us alive we reached the buggy campsite where we have to sleep for the next humid night. While the State Farm team burnt dinner we spotted a bird in a tree, the red bearded dictator pirate person told us it was a mystical flying bird with the abilities to grant us any three wishes that we wanted. Umm turns out it wasn't... bummer. Anyways, now we will spend time sitting around a campfire with smoke in our eyes and swatting away mosquitoes in our sleep. 
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July 11, day 1

7/12/2017

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We began the first day of our canoe trip at the 4H Center on the Patuxent River, where we did a leadership activity and  we tested environmental factors including pH, nitrate, phosphate, water turbidity, and dissolved oxygen. We also identified the species in the area, and we went over the schedule. We started off our trip by doing a tradition of a group photo on a sinking dock *quack quack*, and then we started paddling. We stopped at about 2 and a half miles into the 8 miles, where we had lunch at Wooten's Landing and we tested the water once again. Then, we paddled about 3 more miles, until we hit a creek at Route 4. During the 3 miles, we tried figuring out various riddles, which we are still working on now.  For example, a stick riddle and a black magic riddle. The stick riddle was the most difficult. We saw various wildlife on the trip, including a beaver king, which winked at us as we paddled pass. There were also many mummichogs, which sometimes got into our boats, slapping us. Another interesting encounter was a dead fish with a crab guarding it. We then paddled the rest of the way to Mount Calvert, where we did water quality once again, and set up tents. We had a competition between the guys and the girls to see who could set up their tents first, and we tied. Afterwards, we cooled off in the river, we them got dry and split into groups to 
cook dinner and write this blog. For dinner, we are had a bean and rice dish. After dinner, we slaved away for hours scrubbing dishes. Later, we may go on a night hike or go stargazing. Today was a lot of fun, we can't wait for tomorrow! *QUACK, QUACK*
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August 12th, 2016

8/12/2016

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When the sun rose, all of us did, but one. Poor Abbie-ra had passed away in the night. We loaded her body into the canoe and hoped no one would notice.
The boys quickly realized they had missed out on the "Wind People's" "secret" languages and cult rituals, but were instructed while gathered around the Table of Nutritional Biomatter. Sandshrew's initiation to the cult was to break a stick. He started off with calling it mean names while Dia-glett hurt its parents in front of it. Then they moved on to Chinese Water Torture. The stick quickly succumbed to the pressure, giving up all its secrets readily.

After fueling up, the posse embarked on a quest to destroy the Flowers of Strife. We sent the weakest Pokémon to battle first. Poor Jegglypuff was quickly eliminated by the enemy's Muk. Her limp body was transferred back to the Professor to be "revived".

Out of the blue, all but one of the canoes were sucked under by the river-dwelling monsters. Happily, we were almost back, so we loaded into the one and paddled back with our hands. The Slowjo decided to paddle back by himself. We noticed we were acting a little funnier than usual, so we did some "science" and found some "interesting substances" in the water. Like the Kool-Aid.

We were joined for lunch by a juice-drinking moose named Fred. We quickly became very paranoid during our cult ritual. Matt reminded us to check for water and drink our ticks.

On the paddle, the Slowjo found inspiration deep within his soul, speeding up and leaving everybody behind. Clarafairy, Drewzee, Maddiekarp, and Jegglypuff were temporarily sucked under by a giant whirlpool. "I admit it," said the Slowjo, when asked if he did it on purpose.

We were all ready to give up when faced with the wind the Slowjo was passing. The wind moved him forward, but pushed us back to our despair. The Drewzee had to use his Psychic Powers to give us the determination to proceed. Maddiekarp and Clarafairy were on the patrol for wild animals, guide books in hand, and quickly spotted a wild VenoMatt Extreme Wading in the river.

When we discovered our new home base, we time-travelled back from the past to the present day, where we finally had plumbing. We yet again found that we had a mafia member in our midst.

We found a pile of crustaceans and attacked from all sides with Thor's Hammer, as Clarafairy grazed on grass.

K bye.
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Missing Joe

8/10/2016

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The day was not like any other day. It was bright and you could see every creature. The morning started at 7 o'clock as the children slowly groaned and complained about being ambushed in the night by misquotes. Then a magical wave of hunger came through and they were fill by the girl girl kings and queens delicious breakfast, it was made of sticks. We then went down and was picked up by the mystical river person who could only speak of nature.
We saw a plentiful amount turtle animals 🐢 as well as an intense screaming competition between Mr.Eagle and Mr.Osprey. The fight was broken up by the teeny weeny Mr.Marsh Wren. They apologized to each other and we went on our way. We did science at the wastey placey.
The science was just too much for the others.
They did not make.
Oh well...
Then we learned about acheaologaecalle things.
Like arrow heads and (Matt plays weird Jurassic Park music to distract our 'busy' minds)

We then took a time machine to the colonial times to see if the artifacts were real but we were kicked because they got tired of the stick riddle. We lost our "beloved" Joe as he blasted off AGAAAAAAAAAAAIN on his magical blue tarp as he sang 'I can show you the world' to Maria, the river spirit. Our trip started off bad as our navigators slowly drifted away with the harsh winds keeping them from us. Water fights broke out and paddles were lost 😰 as they joined Joe on his quest for Maria. Capping off the day was extreme wading as the boys stood off to the side with the girls splashing and tackling each other under water. With a record time of 23 minutes team 'WIND' won the tent building competition. As the Lumpy Toads await their dinner they find the time to reflect on what the next mystical day brings. Whether it be water snakes, sticks, or spirits the Lumpy Toads are optimistic on what the day will bring.

We followed the instruction and went wild. Unaware to the children they were being followed, recorded and brainwashed to answer questions all day.

⏰😜🤓💨💨💨🌪 🚣🏼🌞🌞👻👻🐢
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August 09th, 2016

8/9/2016

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It was a day; a day like most days. We all arrived at the queen Anne's 4h center, except one person was missing, we were too excited to check so we went in the water and paddled on (we really wanted our rebates, man). On the "road" we had impromptu drama and solved a million impossible riddles. Some people were sticks, some were not, and some just could never figure out what was which. Joe also took on the world, paddle in hand, and ready to fight! " I'm not gonna cooperate here," joe said when questioned about the incidences. He had enough leaves for one day or one lifetime. We did science!! While navigation crew attempted to do their thing, others tested water quality... Maddie stared at grass intensely... We hope she found what she was looking for. In the grass, and in life. Well, I mean... She found dancer the turtle among other cool things along our journey. She just loved the way dancer kept peeing on her hand. "It was kind of cute,"she was quoted as saying. Stick stick stick stick stick. Sorry... Eventually every word became stick on the journey. There were various birds, patriotic Eagles, awkward blue herons, Ospreys, egrets and regrets, well that was the feeling after many failed attempts to photograph the lovely creatures. Joe caught a mummy chog; " I didn't kill it, they ran themselves over" said joe. Joe is the speaker of our time. After a long journey and no extreme wading, we had to set up tents. By the time we set up the tents we realized it was time to go home... And that there were no rebates, but we bonded anyways. We watched the clouds in admiration and settled in for the night. We look for to more food, more stupidity and more sticks stick stick stick stick. " yeah you know it" joe was quoted as saying, hopeful for the rest of the journey that would follow and very well kill him... Or the mummy chogs.
Emoji translation:
☀️☁️; ☀️☁️. 👥🍀❓🌊🚣🤑. 🏞🎭⁉️❓. 😀🎍😟🎍🤔⁉️. 🚶💪😡🌎🏏👋💪☠. 🗣"🙄😡." 🚶🍃🍂🌿1️⃣☀️👶👦👨👴. ,⚗💥‼️ 🌎🗺⁉️⚗🌊👌... 👧👀🌾🙏. 🌾👶👧👩👵. 💃🐢🏞. Etc. 🎍🎍🎍🎍🎍🎍🎍🎍🎍🎍🎍🎍🎍🎍
Picture
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Third Day on the River

7/14/2016

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And now our latest update from the very brave campers stuck in the wilderness, far from civilization dumped there by their parents. While Ginger Hagrid attempted to make a fire with his makeshift wand umbrella, the campers heard a rustle in the bushes and there in the shadows lurked a terrifying shape that burst out and began to stalk around the campfire. The light of a headlamp revealed the shadow as a small red fox. Kat screamed in terror and ran to her lover's (Pisey's) side. The fox trotted freely in and out of the campfire while Kat ran back and forth convinced the fox was thirsty for her blood. Afterwards, we all slept semi easily despite Ginger Hagrid and Drew hiking about all night searching for frogs to put in their stew. Angelica accidentally got up an hour early and found herself haunted on her morning hike by birds yelling about cheeseburgers and pizza. Consecutively at breakfast, ginger Hagrid maliciously exploded the orange juice over the campers in fear of scurvy. Around 10, mountain man Chris brought sweatsuits to the camp to make the campers hunt for the rare loosestrife gillyweed to sell in the black wizard market. At lunch we slobbered down a humble feast of potato chips and turned into small sweaty pigs that sat around the camp and schemed about overthrowing the camp dementor's rule and stealing the van or even worse... Going extreme waiting without a life-vest. Some of the piggys (meaning Kat) wanted to slip melatonin into the camp dementors' drinks and drive to a 7/11 in hopes of AC and a cold slurped.
With thoughts of mutiny simmering in the oppressive heat, the campers set off down the river to complete the last leg of their journey, thinking naively that the 4 mile paddle would be a piece of lemon cake. Our young heroes sweat gallons underneath the sun and bravely continued forwards, occasionally ramming into the spatterdock or finding themselves very far from the others. We grounded in some marsh and began to mix potions to determine the physical qualities of the bay and Angelica poured half a bottle of sulfuric acid on her leg. It had to be amputated, but she was able to continue. The wind raged as the tiny metal boats paddled heartily against the current, babies sobbed and women screamed or maybe it was just Pisey. The tide turned against us and we found ourselves grounded on a Mud flat far from our final destination, was it too late for our heroes to cross safely? As an osprey mama screamed in frustration, a beacon of light broke through the thick cloud cover that had spread like a duvet over the sky, was it Kevin? Had the guiding light of the Nottingham groundsman come to save us? Once Liana scooted herself free of the mud that had claimed half of her kayak with greedy gray fingers, we knew it was Kevin that had freed us from a swampy death. We arrived at Nottingham to be greeted by the riverkeeper, Fred who told us of his love for the Patuxent and told tales of the adventures of the riverkeepers abroad. We settled in for the night waiting patiently for Kevin clustered around a small picnic table piled with half Nellie's height in crabs and pigged out once more. We sat in pig form around a camp fire, ate s'mores, and snorted happily about each other when really we were just happy to be almost done with the whole not showering thing.

​The end.
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Second Day on the River

7/13/2016

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Since the closing of our last blog, we've looked at Jupiter and the moon and Mars as Mountain man Chris pointed a giant laser into the sky and probably blinded an airplane. Ginger Hagrid led us through tick infested fields to an abandoned barn that was making a sound like a dying cow where we observed several barn owls as they screeched and flew in circles haphazardly. Later, we settled in for the night but unbeknownst to a select few, we would wake up paddling in our tents. The storm took a turn for the worst around 2:30 am, we know this because as soon as the water started to drip in the female chicks' nest, the camp was filled with screaming and general displeasure.

By the time the morning came, the chicks were ready for a trip for Starbucks and the laundromat, and woke up the mother camp owl, hungry and very wet.

Breakfast was a lovely feast of plain Cheerios and blueberry muffins, after which the campers began a humid journey through the rice marsh led by large Sasquatch that beached us several times. We fell upon an osprey nest where two fledging hid and glared at us. Greeg the Sasquatch led us close to the nest and let loose his pokeball, before the nerd squad attacked and tagged the Ospritar in an effort to catch 'em all. We held the Opspritar fledgling to our chest, and thought excitedly of their evolution to Ospritosaur in three weeks.

The Sasquatch returned us to our hillside nest where the chicks squabbled over rice and guacamole. We were greeted by the oracle of Mount Calvert and she discussed the spirits and culture of the long dead and talked about porcelain and pointy rocks. Shortly after, we set off on our long migration through the spatterdock meadows and mudflats to our next destination. En route, Ginger Hagrid attempted to sabotage the owl camper's water supply by throwing it overboard. He then felt bad for what he had done, fished it out of the water and returned it with a lock of his red beard tied with a velvet ribbon attached as a sorrowful apology. As we continued on our journey, an ominous pall of black clouds closed in on the merry band of travelers and the water churned dangerously, whipping the campers with ice cold wind. Pisey the Good Witch used her magic to change the darkness into a double rainbow that painted the sky for all the owls to enjoy.

Once the owls reached their destination, they lurched into the water and began a period of extreme wading that included a water camera and lots of splashing. Pisey made the fish rise up from the water and attack the owl campers but it backfired and she got booboos from the sharp mummichog fins.
​
The evening was more or less coming to an end but we still don't know who the werewolves are. It's a long story....
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